I have read many posts, blogs, poems, letters and every single word that was once somebody’s brainchild and now has shaped into a beautiful piece of written art and published online. I would learn new phrases, new words, new idioms and knowing that I always had a knack for writing, I would decide to use them, at least once, into my writings. But then, the questions – ‘What to write?’ and ‘How to write?’ remained unanswered like an unsolved mystery.

There was always a conflict between my heart and brain about writing. Like every other pessimistic heart, even mine, with two evil horns, would constantly demotivate me from writing and adding to the demotivation was the internet, flooding with innumerable posts and blogs and everything else written by experts. I would search for any topic and land on an article on the same. ‘Who would read my clumsy writing?’, I would often huff to myself. I finally fell for the rants of my evil heart and concluded – I will not write because I cannot write. On the other hand, there was my poor little brain, with the halo of an angel, try to bring back my optimism about writing. It would constantly brainwash me and make me pick up the pen and paper, but to no avail. The paper remained spotless and I did not write. It so appeared that the dark side was much stronger. Time flew by and I was shammed by my incapability to write, until one day, when I wrote an article, upon a request, to my utter disbelief. My brain smirked in triumph as if it knew what was about to begin.

Initially, when I started writing, I wished the things to come to me instantly. (Sometimes, secretly, I still do.) Like a silly amateur, I would dream of having my page filled with writings and other renditions. I had notebooks with words written and scratched, words matched with other words trying to rhyme, incomplete sentences and when nothing worked, my doodles. I would write two sentences and read them, maybe a thousand times, to find the next stretch of words that would appropriately continue the content under progress. I would stare at the blank page for hours in desperation, sipping on coffee and searching for words from nowhere. Though I was disappointed, yet I kept my boat sailing. This time, nothing could thwart me from achieving my big dream. Yes, I dream big, I always do. I think that is what I like to define myself with. I knew the journey had begun and was no turning back. I, somehow, managed to start writing. I wrote, small and big, about many topics, but disclosed none.

It is not an easy task. One basic thing that I have learnt is writing and research go hand in hand. Exclusive writing needs exclusive research. Knowing the audience, feeling the right time, getting the correct topic and content, forming them together – it took me time to know all these and I am still learning. Nevertheless, I am not afraid to write anymore. I have taken my baby steps and I know the steps will mature one day, sooner or later. Now, I freely write about everything that is there on my mind.

Well, all thanks to technology and digital media, I no longer have to scribble in my notebooks anymore. Whenever I have the urge to write, I open my laptop and sit.  However, I sit with the same blank stare, still searching for words from an imaginary cloud.

Not everything can change at once, right? 🙂

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